I have this feeling

I have this strange feeling in the pit of my stomach--like something is changing...maybe things are...but maybe not for the better. I'm getting this feeling from the little things. Not saying goodbyes, refuseing to even attempt to understand and share in things others enjoy...everything is so different now--and I don't like it. I know I could survive with out them...but I also know what kind of existence I'd be living--and I don't think it would be worth it.
I'm not the only on who's gotten this odd feeling, one of my friends whom I've known for >><><< long years confessed to me just a few days ago she felt as if we were all drifting appart. I confermed maybe some of us were, but that several of us were staying firm--she wasn't convinced I could tell but she let it go. Maybe I was wrong to be so opptomistic, after all optomisim is against my nature.
I'm just afraid that if I lose my friends I will never be happy again--and that frightens me.
Another thing that has been ailing me lately is my longing for a love. For a husband, for someone who will love me for me, love me for who I truley am. I know what kind of wife i want to be. I want to always let my husband know how important he is, how much i love him. I want him to feel loved when he comes home from a hard days work. I want us to be able to tell each other everything. I never want my husband to feel as if I don't love him because if he is happy then I'll be happy.
It may sound stuipd but that's the kidn of wife I want to be--and I will be. But I'm afriad that I may never find a husband. And that I will die alone. -_- That is so depressing, I really don't want to die an old alone virgin. I want to die with my husband! *sobs*
This coming from a seventeen-year-old go figure. All well, i'm sure God has someone out there for me...but damn I wish I knew who so I would know to keep my eyes peeled for them.
Any way, I have some things I need to do before I go to work tomorrow so this is the end of this first blog---hopefully this blog won't just be about depressing crap.
~BondSlave~